I CAN DO BOTH 

I CAN DO BOTH
January 2025

CW: Sexual assault

Don’t be misled. I can do both.

Say hello to D (second skin), and GOOD GRIEF (flesh). My original screen name (DXXXRK) was flagged, and then changed (to Good Grief).

DXXXRK is what I considered to be the sticky substance that grew over time with BPD/EUPD and sexual assault. Kink culture has been great for me to balance out that tar-like substance and my own flesh. The Ba/Ha and Ka. Up until my 2020 relapse, I considered the sticky part of me a burden, but now, I try to accept them as they are. Something to make friends with rather than be afraid of.

People in kink are often misunderstood, or rather, outsiders are misled (by misinformation). This part of my life has been extremely mental rather than physical. It’s not a unique perspective – it’s a very common drive. Sharing yourself by baring all to someone else (especially on a platform) is vulnerable, but it can also be a fulfilling experience to be alongside familiar company. We’re all hurting. We want to feel something in the numbness. We want to be accepted. We want to connect.

Of course, people wanna see pretty photos, but I personally like the “unflattering” ones, too. After all, we’re all mortal. Vulnerability is interesting and so powerful to see alongside gloss and perfect symmetry.

I hope to share more posts like this. I am hoping Instagram understands that skin does not equal sexualised content. We’ll see how it goes.

Speak soon.

– D/GG

Styling:
Rubber: Libidex
Boots: Pleasers
Shine: Vivishine

---

Diary entry – Thursday 22nd October 2026

This photo set was one of the things I’m the most proud of because when it was shared, people understood it. It doesn’t matter if an edit isnt seemless – people respect effort and honesty.

The post has been archived on repeat on Instagram due to the skin on show, however, as its message involves mental health, Insta’s AI took that into consideration. It’s currently marked as “Sensitive Content”, which I wish they would just let us slap on ourselves instead of shadowbanning each time.

Nudity does not equal sexual suggestion.
Nudity does not equal pornography.
Nudity is not an invitation.

These photos were my way of introducing two of my archetypes – the flesh and the thicker-skinned form, as well as my roles in kink (submissive and Dominant). I originally wanted my default name to be DXXXRK, but since names with three x’s are censored online, Flesh, along with my default, became Good Grief. Grief Syndrome is the band name and Good Grief and DXXXRK are the artists, if that makes sense. Grief is the physical and DXXXRK is the shadow. In all honestly, it’s better DXXXRK isn’t reached/addressed directly by strangers, however, like a shadow, she/they/it is something that’s always here/there.

References

In Egyptian mythology, the ha and ka refer to the physical body and the soul. This is touched on in the video game, Death Stranding. If you’re new here, yes, I am a big Death Stranding fan, and I reference it’s meanings on connection and humanity fairly often. I’m a big fan.

I also think a lot about Carl Jung’s views on archetypes. In short, humans are complex. We have many layers. We were not designed to fit into one box. Understanding how wide our personality can stretch to can be incredibly interesting. Human, even.

Assumptions on sexuality

Despite my cute aesthetic, I am very much Dominant as well as submissive. It’s incredibly irritating to be assumed as only submissive, especially in the kink scene where people should know better. Most of the men who approach me at play parties are obviously hoping to hit it from the back, when I’d rather have them earn the privilege of licking the bottom of my boots. Yes, I am both/a switch, but I’m probably neither to you.

Kink, sexuality and trauma

I’ve touched on this in various posts, but the kink scene is still very much misunderstood. Anything that falls into “alternative” is considered deviant, and therefore, bad, even though deviancy is necessary for survival. Our communities are under threat because it’s harder to control those who are curious, and to some, that is worrying.

Despite my slippery aesthetic, the show of skin, and my history in erotica and adult entertainment, I’m very fucking picky about who I sleep with. I go to play parties semi-regularly, and never go with the intention of playing or fucking anyone. If it happens, it happens, but I usually just wanna sit or sweat next to someone who makes me feel safe and go home.

There are books, research, and therapists that will all inform you of the benefits of kink after (sexual) trauma, and yet we are still so close minded on its importance in recovery or simple connection. People can go through decades of their life without being honest about what they want because society has something to say about a man who wants to be curled up in a ball in my lap. Or a woman who wants to wear a maid outfit and have her head pat. Just because you claim to not understand it, does not mean it’s bad.

Kink is a tool

Kink should be seen as a tool. A means to connect. It should not be feared or forced into the shadows. Banning acts outright instead of discussing them with those in the field is intentionally dangerous and naive. You can’t claim to give a shit about safety if you’re not willing to discuss it with those with the knowledge and experience.

With the world and its laws constantly changing, it’s hard to keep up with how we will be seen, but even if it’s not online, we’ll be seen somewhere. We don’t just stop existing. We’re still fucking here.

– Good Grief / DXXXRK