“Stressed out day and cute lad broke me.”

CW: harassment, emotional abuse

I was broadcasting via Free Mode on Saturday. If you’re a spicy worker, you know what the vibe can be like. For me, it’s people coming in, backing out immediately, or in mid conversation. The few stick around and we jabber away. I’m usually sat casually; cute and clothed. This doesn’t stop people jerking off on the other end without my consent and/or payment. Still – I’ve been using this feature as a space to negotiate boundaries in advance of Private Mode.

I had a few people in the chat, and at this point, it was light-hearted and fun. We were discussing interests to gauge compatibility. I was having a slow but decent day, and then a user comes into the chat, pretending to be someone I know IRL.

This was weird timing because earlier that day, I was concerned that an ex of mine was going to show up at my workplace, and I was wondering how I’d handle it. This particular ex redistributed images of me without consent (which is illegal as well as disgusting). They were emotionally abusive/not a good egg. I blocked this person everywhere, and a friend of theirs said they’d been trying to get in contact with me via those blocked accounts.

The person in the chat keeps stalling and changing their story, which was very much like the behaviour of my ex. Eventually, it seemed I was just being harassed by some randomer. The vibe changes from light-hearted and fun, to weird and awkward. I don’t feel comfortable to continue streaming, so I take a break. Spicy workers being harassed at work is nothing new, but it’s on the rise, and it does suck.

You know when everything in the universe is telling you to take a break? I dunno, I just had a weird feeling that day, but I’m like, “Get it together. You need this routine”. I go back online a few hours later.

Chat’s quiet for a bit, and then I hop into cam-to-cam Private Mode with pretty cute lad from earlier. I don’t know if it’s different on other devices, but on this mode, I can only see the client – not myself. They don’t show both screens simultaneously like a regular videocall. Also, with this site, audio never seems to work on the client’s end, so they can hear me, but I can’t hear them. I use thumbs up and down because clients have usually already “started” the second that cam is on, and they’re looking to get a move on before they run out of credits.

I’m doing the usual solo-play routine, and then…*sigh*, I notice I’m bleeding. Very quickly. Stressed out day and cute lad broke me. It’s never happened to me like that before, and I’ve done solo work many times.

I don’t know what happened – I just see him/the client moving his device to another room and the call ends. Maybe he was finished or ran out of credits – I don’t know. Customers don’t always say goodbye – sometimes they just hang up when they’re done. Ew. It automatically goes back into Public Mode, and I’m left there angry at myself and my body for letting me down. He changed his username (which clients often do), so I couldn’t check in the following morning.

If you’re not a spicy worker, you’re either thinking, “Period blood, ew”, or “Get a grip – it’s just a bit of mess.” First of all – I was bleeding from there, but it’s not necessarily a period. One of the burdens of having a uterus is that you don’t get to decide how it works; how it responds to stress, pressure, or whatever is going on internally. Not everyone’s body works with sponges or menstrual cups. Not everyone wants a hysterectomy, or is approved for one.

Second of all – and this is something a lot of people still don’t know – menstruation on camera, accident or not, is a bannable offence. Mother nature can lead you to lose access to your income. This is because payment processors see it as “too extreme”. This form of financial censorship is not a new feature – it’s been around for a while now, but spicy workers are constantly having to navigate these ever changing rules. Having to rebrand and c_ns_r. Archive or delete.

When I started sex work many years ago, it was easier in ways, but harder in others (which I’ll get to another time). In the past, I was able to avoid working on certain days of my cycle because although they were bad, the pill made it manageable. Today, my health is worse, and this is no longer the case for me. I’ve been turned away from booked smear tests and had my hysterectomy requests denied due to my age. Healthcare neglect is all too familiar for most of us.

Having said that, if it wasn’t such a taboo to have a normal bodily function, I wouldn’t feel so much shame, and more importantly, the fear around it. I’m in my 30s, for goodness sake. Society wants us to have kids, but the very important part that makes that happen is seen as a taboo. Make it make sense!

This week, I spoke with a fellow sex worker about the changes to social media, censorship, and how we’re adapting/resisting. My outlook on this was quite bleak. I’m queer, a woman, a POC, chronically-ill – all the things. My mind and body are constantly against me. Every day is a challenge. Doctors aren’t helpful. Social media, payment processors, and the prejudice (against sex workers). Harassment and c_ns_rsh_p is forever evolving. Someone harasses me in my workspace, and the feature to block/report them fails me. I “have a little accident”, and it puts me in a state of fear and shame. I’m exhausted.

I am not okay. Even as I write this out, I’m in physical pain and emotional distress. I’m unable to process or figure out a clear solution because there isn’t one. This isn’t just about a bit of blood, but rather, the incredibly torturous system we (sex workers) have to navigate in order to find safety and agency. Like Black Dresses says in their song – “I just wanna get off, feel safe and die.”

– Good Grief / DXXXRK

 

Update – 11th May 2026:
Email response this morning from website I stream with. Not sure if this means the person’s account was found, warned, deleted, etc, but at least I got something.

Also, it took ages to find the right page to report a user (not the same issue for reporting an escort). Sites should take into account it’s harder when someone is distressed. I had to ask my partner to look into it.