Frederic William Burton (1816-1900), ‘Hellelil and Hildebrand, the Meeting on the Turret Stairs’, 1864.

“The subject is taken from a medieval Danish ballad translated by Burton’s friend Whitley Stokes in 1855, which tells the story of Hellelil, who fell in love with her personal guard Hildebrand, Prince of Engelland. Her father disapproved of the relationship and ordered her seven brothers to kill the young prince. Burton chose to imagine a romantic moment from the story before the terrible end: the final meeting of the two lovers.” – National Gallery of Ireland

This beautiful painting was created using watercolour and gouache, which give it its vibrancy, but is also highly light-sensitive. Because of this, the National Gallery of Ireland only has shown for one hour slots, twice a week. It otherwise sits in its unique cabinet in the darkness. I like to think of them simply resting.

Does that sound familiar? Is it just me?

The concept of this painting really resonates with me. I’ve met lovers in secret (including on staircases). I’ve been swooned over like Hellelil – both as a Domme and a sub. Okay, maybe my father isn’t as intense as hers, but even the delicate nature of the creation itself is very reminiscent of my (BDSM) relationships. Exposed for a short time and adored when in the light, but patiently waiting in the darkness for the next embrace.

I look at Hildebrand and I see you – My lover. You could be adoring my scent and softness, but even if you were to dominate me, you’d still make me feel like Goddess. This painting makes my flutter because I know what it means to feel deeply, and be wanted. Craved. Desire is addictive. Some women in my field might even tell you that desire is proof we’re still alive.

If any lovers in Dublin, Ireland, would like to admire this painting (and more), it’s currently available on Thursdays from 11:30 AM – 12:30 PM, and Sundays from 2:30 PM – 3:30 PM. And should you like to recreate this scene, perhaps you should enquire soon. I’ll be off to London before you know it.

– Good Grief / DXXXRK

Extra entry – diary for Thursday 15th October 2026

Behold! Once upon a time, I used to go to the National Gallery of Ireland every week just to look at The Opening of the Sixth Seal. It’s odd to me that the room that holds it is now the “waiting room” to see this (above) painting. It was nice that the group I went in with were just as excited as I was to see it. It was actually larger in person (at least, to me), and the vibrancy doesn’t go unnoticed. I’m not sure how red and blue makes others feel, but it does make me think of Death Stranding. Souls presented as blue, and life as red. Put them together, and they complete each other.

Coincidentally, it was also the opening of Hilma af Klint‘s exhibition. Any artist that gives Carl Jung vibes is of interest to me. It makes me vibrate. I feel silly when I come across someone who I clearly resonate with but have discovered them “late” in life, but I am at least at a point where I can appreciate its meaning more – especially in regards to the spiritual. I wonder how many other women in my field believe in their witch capabilities.

I forgot to bring a book along for my solo afternoon, but a trip to Hodges Figgis sorted that. I don’t know how many Junji Ito books I have at this point, but I know I’m still missing a few from the Godfather of horror manga. Although I love reading, I find it hard to find the mental space to digest it, rather than the time itself. I was torn between a fancy restaurant and my go-to parisian café. It’s easier to read through 3 courses instead of 1 or 2. I went with the café because it’s been hard to eat some days (I’m not sure why), and I didn’t want to concern my date.

Physical media forever. I haven’t seen A Tale of Two Sisters in a good few years, and Mum and I always say the Korean original reins supreme. Unfortunately, my play partner (who I was meeting later that evening), did not have the means to watch it (whatever happened to disc trays?), but it just means I get to enjoy it at home.

I had time before I was meeting my date, so I watched The Uprising at the IFI Cinema, which is based in Temple Bar. Mention that cinema to a Dubliner, and they might not even know a cinema in Temple Bar exists, despite it being around for years. Oh – the film was decent. I felt bad for watching it without my partner because it looked like something he’d enjoy.

The evening ended with a delightful date and overnight stay with my play partner of almost 4 years. I don’t like to share all my encounters (or tricks, even), but I made him know of a particular skill I possess, which he wasn’t familiar with, but very impressed by. It’s always nice to see him, and I love our overnights. I don’t even have to do anything – he’s happy to do all the talking!

I know overnights can be tricky (for both sides – myself and/or my lover). Different beds, temperatures, buttons to figure out at the hotel, etc, but after the dinner, drinks, removal of clothes, intense orgasms, and various “tangents” (what he calls his rambles) in bed, we both slept well. I fell asleep to him clutching me from behind. I know that because I woke up with sweat down my back, but it was a cosy feeling rather than a sensory overload.

I greeted him in the morning – teeth brush, face and body showered, and myself wrapped around him while he was a caterpillar / still warm and cosy under the duvet. Even if there’s an option for me to have more sleep, I prefer to be your soft alarm. Good morning, My love.

– Good Grief / DXXXRK