My favourite anime is about a girl who loves another girl so deeply, she splits the one she loves apart. She splits the part of her that is a God, with the part of her who isn’t. She keeps the part who isn’t – her life and existence before she became a God.

I’ve always resonated with the one who did the splitting, even if that meant reconstructing the universe to do so. How demonic and relatable *blush*. I understand how it could be seen as selfish to keep someone for yourself, but it could also be seen as selfish for the world to go on and forget who the one I loved was to begin with.

The part who just wanted her friends to survive, and felt powerless to see them tirelessly sacrifice themselves, so much so that she became a God. So that her friends and strangers no longer had to suffer. Happy for her former self to be forgotten about so she could be useful in the shadows for all eternity.

Now, I find myself as the one being split. Good Grief / DXXXRK and Z. Always fighting for the mic, but now it’s like they’re tearing me into different timelines. Similar to how a tree grows – simultaneously up and down. Towards the light and into the dark. I had it in my cards that I “Have to make a choice”, but I didn’t think this was it.

I’m confused. It’s probably just the heat. Probably.

– Good Grief / DXXXRK / Z

Edit: I ended up with a gnawing pain in my centre after writing this. It would not go away until I cried. The seasons have been cruel.