When people say all queer and kink folk are mentally ill, I roll my eyes. First of all, who cares – worry about yourself, love. More importantly, I’m not these things because I’m mentally ill, but some of the reason why I am ill is because the world is actively cruel to those who are queer. As for kink, it can just be for fun. As the kids say – “It’s not that deep”.

When’s the last time you came across someone who wasn’t mentally ill? Look at our parents. Our public figures. The nurse who enjoys drawing our bloods (poorly) a little too much. Half us know we’re sick, most of the other lot don’t have a clue, or are desperately clutching to their evil ways of power so they don’t have to look in a mirror. How does one retain sanity if the world is fucking insane?

Having said that, saneness within the kink and queer community does exist. We assume that every individual in these scenes have experienced some kind of trauma/had some battle they had to fight, but no. I’ve met these sane people, and I can’t help but be envious of them. There’s resentment with people who are in the queer and kink scenes, as well as those who aren’t, when someone doesn’t have a dark origin story to explain themselves. It’s easier for us to digest because we’re taught that if someone is going against a vanilla, straight, gender role society, then something must be “wrong” with them. It’s appealing for them to assume queer and kink folk are mentally ill because of our freedom of expression/authentic selves. Without asking for it, we’re seen as acting with deviancy. Vanilla and straight are still portrayed as the defaults, even though we have evidence of other species defying the (bullshit) binary, having orgies, and same-sex sex.

The word “Illness” is associated as a negative when it doesn’t have to be. I’m not a fan of people putting mental illness in the ‘Unacceptable’ box and assuming we all need to be “fixed”. I like my queerness and my love of kink, and if it wasn’t for homophobia, social norms and gender roles, I wouldn’t be seen as ill. My brain is mean, but as a result of BPD and the connections I’ve made via kink, I’m incredibly self-aware, empathetic, and can see truly people.

I am deeply human. Mortal, but still divine. I don’t need to be fixed – I need grace.

– GOOD GRIEF / DXXXRK